Darla's Blog
Easter’s Promise and the Atonement Feb 11, 2010By Darla Isackson
Every day I’m watching for signs of spring--symbols of Easter’s promises. Easter’s first promise—of the resurrection means so much more to me now that I have so many loved ones already awaiting it. However, the promise I’m thinking of today is the one that depends on our choice to accept the Savior’s atoning gifts of forgiveness, renewal, and the cleanliness of a new heart.
A few springs ago Doug and I worked in the yard pruning roses, raking leaves, digging out from winter. We hadn’t thoroughly cleaned out the rose hedge for several years (I’ll use my auto accident and injury as an excuse) and it turned into a major project. The pungent smell of dead leaves contrasted with the fragrance of spring blossoms; I kept thinking of symbolisms--how the project resembled cleaning out my heart after the long winter of my soul--getting out all the debris, the dead leaves and dry twigs of old patterns, false beliefs, and traditions. I removed clipped branches from previous prunings that had fallen into the hedge; they were dry, withered, brittle, and I thought of John 15:5 “If a man abide not in me, he is cast forth as a branch, and is withered; and men gather them, and cast them into the fire.” Because I hadn’t finished the cleanup job when I originally clipped them, but had left to be gathered up later, I thought of half-finished repentance and how much harder the job can be when I’ve neglected it for a time.
The hedge looked incredible when we finally finished. So clean, so open--like I want my heart to be. However, I can’t complete the cleansing of my heart by my own efforts. Christ, the “finisher of our faith” is also the finisher of the cleansing process. His grace completes the task through the Atonement “after all that I can do.”
The Scope of the Atonement
It took me a half a lifetime to even begin to understand the amazing scope of the Atonement, how much I needed it every day, and how it personally applies to me.
As a conscientious (and self-righteous) teenager, when we sang “I Stand All Amazed,” in church, when we got to the words “To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine,” I thought: I’m not proud. I’m not rebellious; I don’t have anything to be rescued from. How immature, how prideful, how ignorant I was.
Years later, as a young mother, more aware of my weaknesses and faults, I still did not understand much about the personal nature of the Savior’s sacrifice for me. I sat in a Relief Society lesson about the Atonement feeling a bit detached--loving the Savior, but ignorant of how much I needed His grace in my life. Perhaps I was one of those Bruce Hafen refers to in his book, The Broken Heart: “I grieve for those who, in their admirable and sometimes blindly dogged sense of personal responsibility believe that, in the quest for eternal life, the Atonement is there only to help big-time sinners, and that they, as everyday Mormons who just have to try harder, must “make it” on their own. “(p. 20)
Reading another landmark book Believing Christ, by Stephen E. Robinson began to take the blinders off my soul and helped me see that my challenge was not to earn my way to worthiness. He tells of his wife Janet’s burnout when she was trying to do all the right things, and how she wanted to give up when she realized she could never do it all. I had to go through similar experiences before I could say with her, ”I’ve always had a testimony of the Savior and believed that he is the Son of God. I have always believed that he suffered and died for me. But now I know that he can save me, that he can save me from myself, from my sins, from my weakness, from my lack of talent.” (p.34)
Gaining a better understanding of the depth and breadth of what the Atonement covers has saved my life here and now as well as given me hope for eternal salvation. Brother Hafen said, “The Savior’s victory can compensate not only for our sins but also for our inadequacies; not only for our deliberate mistakes, but also for our sins committed in ignorance, our errors of judgment, and our unavoidable imperfections.” ( Broken Heart, p. 20)
Oh, the joy of knowing that the Savior will take weak, inadequate, foolish me, and according to my willingness, cleanse my heart of all the sins I’ve committed in ignorance and through poor judgement. But what about the pain my weaknesses and errors have caused me and others? How can I find the joy of the gospel when my broken heart is wounded and bleeding? Brother Hafen answers, “The Atonement not only pays for our sins, it heals our wounds--the self-inflicted ones and those inflicted from sources beyond our control. The Atonement also completes the process of our learning by perfecting our nature and making us whole. In this way, Christ’s atonement makes us as he is. It is the ultimate source of our forgiveness, our perfection, and our peace of mind.” ( Ibid p. 29) Colleen Harrison’s book He Did Deliver Me from Bondage points out the Book of Mormon roadmap for bringing Christ’s atonement into the very warp and woof of life’s tapestry. That book, too, has made a great difference in my life.
The Personal Nature of Christ’s Atonement
This Easter when I sing from “He is Risen!”, especially the words “Christ has won the victory” (Hymn 199) my heart will swell with the joy of knowing that the Savior’s victory includes me! Because of His love and sacrifice and because He cares for me personally as one of His children, He is willing to raise me up out of my weaknesses and sins. Brother Hafen said, “ A sense of falling short or falling down is not only natural but essential to the mortal experience. Still, after all we can do, the Atonement can fill that which is empty, straighten our bent parts, and make strong that which is weak. (Ibid, p. 20) I will sing with the hope that He will reach down, even to me, and show me the way back Home. With my total cooperation, He can even create in me--line upon line, precept upon precept--a Christlike character. I will rejoice in the knowledge that I don’t have to walk the lonely path towards perfection alone, thinking somehow that I have to reach a certain level of goodness before I am worthy of His help. Now I know He is the Path, the Way, the Light of my Life. His purpose is to strengthen me each step of the way; in fact, I can do nothing without Him, (John 15:5) but “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” (Philippians 4:13)
Becoming As a Little Child
This spring I have two tiny one-year-old granddaughters who will experience outdoor joy for the first time--running barefoot in the grass, loving the the sunshine! Through the two-fold promise of Easter, I can become like them--again as a little child--clean, forgiven, born again, full of the joy of life, with renewed childlike faith that after every winter comes the spring.
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Winter Solstice and the Light Within
As days grow ever shorter I welcome Christmas light displays as neighbors brave the chilly outside air to decorate. Without the lights and the celebration they symbolize, December could be a dreary month indeed.
Christmas lights brighten dark December because we still follow the tradition of commemorating Jesus' birth at the time of the European celebration of the winter solstice. If I paid attention, could winter solstice be a heart-stopping moment? Could I feel the significance of that point in time when the darkness begins to recede? Instead, I will only notice that sunset comes a little later each day, sunrise a bit earlier. But the evidence that follows winter solstice keeps me believing in the yearly triumph of sunlight over frozen earth—the promise that spring's new life will return, eventually bouncing us into sunny summer.
Even though revelation tells us the Savior's birthday is actually April 6th, celebrating at winter solstice is beautifully symbolic because Christ is the Light. When we choose a connection to Him through faith and hope and willingness to open the door of our hearts, inner darkness is dispelled. If we continue in His light, spring and summer experiences are assured.
Winters of the Soul
When I experience “winters of the soul,” Christ's light gives me faith in an invincible summer. Faith moves me to necessary action. Unlike the winter chill that freezes the earth, losses and tragedies that can freeze the heart do not automatically give way to spring thaw. While I cannot choose to keep spring from coming or speed its appearance, my choices can delay the return of warmth and light within. For instance, choosing paths that lead to any number of addictions could bring still more icy storms into my life and keep me in darkness. By choosing to withdraw into cold despair I could live in perpetual winter.
Perhaps the miracle is that during winters of the soul so many of us make choices that lead us to a winter solstice—a turning point where we invite the light back into our lives. Choosing Christ, his doctrine, his way of life is the time of solstice for many.
A stunning example of a soul's winter solstice is a heart truly changed to let in the light of the Atonement. At a Recovery meeting I listened in awe to a young man whose countenance was full of light—yet he had just been released from prison. In that dim setting he had found the light of the Lord through the Church's Twelve-step Recovery program. He had, for the first time, come to understand and apply the power of the Atonement in his life. Leaning on that power he turned from the darkness of addiction and let the light of Christ thaw his heart and bring spring to his soul.
Light Is Stronger Than Darkness
The happiest truth about Christ's light is that it is more powerful than the darkest night. In D&C 10:57-58 we read, “Behold, I am Jesus Christ, the Son of God . . . I am the light which shineth in darkness.”
Compare His light to the sun shining outdoors. If I am in a dark room, the minute I choose to open the drapes, the light floods in and dispels the darkness. Even if I light a tiny candle in a dark room I can suddenly see!
In contrast, let's say I am in a well lighted room and it is dark outside. If I open the drapes, the dark does not flood into the room. Isn't it wonderful that light dispels darkness, but darkness does not dispel light! Just as light is more powerful than darkness, Christ is more powerful than the adversary. In like manner, “The wisdom and foreknowledge of God are greater than the cunning of Satan, and God's plan for the redemption of his children is more powerful than the evil designs of the adversary.” (Roy A. Prete, ed., Brian Q. Cannon, Richard O. Cowan, D. Mark Prescott, Craig J. Ostler, Associate Eds., Window of Faith: Latter-day Saint Perspectives on World History)
We all have need for the power of light—for many personal winter solstices when we yearn for an increase of truth and light. The need comes not only from sin or doubt or disbelief, but also from ignorance and lack of experience. “Lighten our understanding” is a common phrase, as is “finally the light dawned.”
The Light of Experience
When we experience a gospel principle—such as service—and feel the joy of it for the first time, is it like a winter solstice? Experience is such an important part of mortality—and hard experiences often open the window of our hearts to the light. Eve chose to learn from experience when she partook of the fruit and then told Adam it was better for us to experience sorrow that we may know the good from the evil. The Lord told Joseph Smith in Liberty Jail that “All these things shall give you experience and be for your good.” (D&C 122:7)
Hard experiences teach us, and so do joyous experiences. When we experience the reality of a gospel principle in our lives, glowing words we've heard about it come alive with light and meaning than can increase with time and maturity. I had such an experience as I was entering my teens.
When we moved to the town of Ammon, Idaho, we had no living grandma of our own, so were glad to get acquainted with an elderly neighbor who could fill the role. She was a widow, her only daughter lived far away, and she was not a member of the Church, so she was especially lonely. We quickly dubbed her “Grandma Woodhouse” and began including her in family gatherings. When December rolled around we decided to make some presents for her, get her a little tree, and decorate it with lights, old-fashioned paper chains and strings of cranberries and popcorn. Our anticipation grew as we worked together.
On Christmas Eve, gift-laden, we made our way toward Grandma's house. I looked at the decorated tree Dad carried, and smiled in excitement. The air was crisp and clean, the sky star-studded. Our breath made frosty poofs as my two brothers and I excitedly giggled our way across the sparkling white street. We followed in Dad's big footprints across the deep virgin snow to her front door.
When Grandma opened the door, we were a bit shocked at the dreary room behind her. She had been sitting alone in near-darkness with nothing in the house to suggest the season. Her eyes lightened with joy, then glistened with tears as we all shouted, “Merry Christmas!” We stamped the snow off our feet, then transformed her big kitchen with laughter, love, and a little tree complete with gifts. With the tree lights making sparkles all over the room, we sang “Silent night, holy night, all is calm, all is bright,” All was calm and bright inside my young heart. I had never before understood all those words I'd heard about “making someone else happy makes you happy too.” But now I did!
“I feel like you are my real family,” Grandma said that night. I gave her a big hug and said, “And I feel like you are my real grandma.” I was so happy I thought I'd burst. Sharing the Christmas spirit of love filled me with inner light like nothing I had ever experienced. That light spilled over and increased for Grandma as our family continued to befriend and love her. My parents, stake missionaries at the time,, taught her the gospel. She glowed with a new light within when she joined the Church.
I still feel that light from my experiences with Grandma Woodhouse today, guiding me like the Christ-child's star. I suppose that some of my desire to serve and be a missionary all my life has been motivated by that bright and breathless Christmas feeling I first knew in Grandma's kitchen many years ago.
In such experiences the light may seem more like a sudden dawn than a slow solstice-like return of light, each day bringing a few more minutes of respite from the dark. Perhaps the reality is that we are prepared for dawn by our willingness to let in more light each day—solstice-like.
Is Recovery and Healing like a Solstice?
When loss of a loved one, loss of dreams, loss of a way of life breaks our hearts, healing often does come in small increments—like the few minutes more of sunlight that bring each dawn earlier than the one before. Just as slightly longer daylight is a sure promise that spring is on its way, so small increments of progress toward the light promise the thawing of our hearts and the return of light and love.
As inevitably as the seasons come and go, winters of the soul will come again—but oh, how strong our faith can be that Christ's light will overcome whatever darkness comes into our lives. It is true that the thawing of a chilled heart is not inevitable like the thawing of the earth in spring; agency prevails. But once we have experienced His light and love, why would we not choose to let it in again? Why would we choose to remain in darkness when broken hearts can so readily let in the Light?
How wonderful that winter solstice can come to us repeatedly—times when darkness gives way to light, when little by little the light increases until our souls feel full of the light of Christ's love. Each experience with living a gospel principle also increases the light within as it solidifies our testimony of that principle.
There is Nothing Stronger than Christ's Light and Love
I'm so grateful for the light of Christ's love in my life and for my experiences of gospel living. I know that the darkness of the adversary is real and that it is swirling about this world in threatening clouds. But I know even more surely that God lives, that Christ's light will triumph. Mosiah 16:9 verifies that He is our never-ending source of Light: “He [Christ] is the light and the life of the world; yea, a light that is endless, that can never be darkened.”
Whatever wintry experiences have darkened our lives, may winter solstice remind us that we can choose to let the light back in, to serve again, to live again, to love again, to feel the mighty change of heart again. And may we increase the light within by experiencing for ourselves the wonders of gospel living. Christ's light and love are the strongest forces on earth. They can pull us through the hardest times, help us through the darkest night and fill us with His joy when our dawn comes again.
As we move into this Christmas season, may we remember Christ, choose Him, and fill our lives with His everlasting Light.
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My Articles that have been posted on Meridian Magazine Oct 28, 2009
You might enjoy glancing over the list and finding one that applies to a challenge you are currently facing. If you can't find that article right away in the Meridian archives, I will be glad to e-mail it to you.
2002, Sudden Trauma
2002, Sudden Trauma, Part 2
2002 The Art of Life is to Get the Message
Jan, 2002 Trust in the Lord Can Light Up the New Year
Feb, 2002 A Deeper Dimension of Trust in the Lord:
"In the Shadow of Thy Wings"
March, 2002 Trusting the Lord's Purposes in Adversity
April, 2002 Two-Hard-Earned Lessons, Part 1
Caring for the Souls of Our Children (Listening)
May, 2002 Two Hard-Earned Lessons, Part 2:
Honoring God's Law of Agency
June, 2002 Children and the "Title of Liberty"
June 2002 Doing All We Can When a Loved One Strays
July, 2002 Becoming Whole in Fragments of Time
Summer, 2002 Can We Make Sense of Suffering?
(After Elizabeth Smart Kidnapping)
Summer, 2002 The Still Small Voice
(Noise, boredom, Going Nowhere at Breakneck Speed)
August, 2002 How can I get control of my life, my child, this current
situation?
Why is this the wrong question?
Sept, 2002 How Can I Get More Control of my life?
Why is this the Wrong Question? Part 2
Sept, 2002 What Does Autumn Have to Do with Repentance?
Oct, 2002 The Hidden Addiction: Prescription Drugs
Oct, 2002 Who Me, a Liar?
November, 2002 Thanksgiving: Enjoy the Sparkle of the Snow
December, 2002 The gift of "The Word"
December, 2002 Is the Giving Enough?
Jan 2002 What Do We Treasure?
Jan 2002 Interview of Lundquists: Introducing book "Stand Guard!"
Jan, 2003 God's Purposes Cannot Be Thwarted
February, 2003 When Help Hinders
February, 2003 The Overwhelmed Woman and the Feminist Movement
February, 2003 Divorce: Sorting Out the Loss of the "Forever Family"
March, 2003 The Blended Family--An Invitation to Charity
March, 2003 Over the Hill or Reaching Life's Mountaintop?
March, 2003 False Traditions and the Pivotal Generation
April, 2003 Let Peace Begin with Me
April, 2003 Thoughts on an Easter Sunday
May, 2003 Mothers and Matthew 25
May, 2003 Perspectives on Prayer
June, 2003 Except Ye Become As Little Children
June, 2003 Fathers and Forgiveness
July, 2003 Lord, Is it I? Relinquishing the White Hat in Marriage
July, 2003 Relinquishing the White Hat in Divorce
July, 2003 Faith--Even in Life's Stormiest Seas
August, 2003 Of Ears and Hearts: Hearing Beyond Words
August, 2003 Love Letter to the Future: Writing Family Histories
September, 2003 Life is Not About "Arriving"
October, 2003 Easy Does it--With Family History Too
October, 2003 "Every Knee Shall Bow"--Comfort for a Grieving Parent
October, 2003 Readers Share Heartaches and Solutions about Children Who Have Strayed
November, 2003 Being Thankful for Ordinary Days
November, 2003 Thanksgiving Discovery: The Higher Law of Gratitude
December, 2003 December Stress or December Joy: the Choice is Mine
December, 2003 The Lord is my Light
December, 2003 Repeated: Is the Giving Enough?
January, 2004 The Best Kind of New Year's Resolution
January, 2004 Spiritual Preparedness--the Whats and Whys
January, 2004 He Did Deliver Me from Bondage; an Introduction
February, 2004 Springing the Comparison Trap
March, 2004 Bite-sized Bits of Family History
March, 2004 How Can We Prepare to Be Part of Zion?
April, 2004 Easter's Two-fold Promise
May, 2004 Through a Glass, Darkly
May, 2004 We Do Not Doubt Our Mothers Knew It
May 2004 Broken Hearts Let in the Light of Christ
June 2004 The Pearl Awards: Recognizing the Best in Faith-Centered Music
Education Series:
Part 1. June 2004 Education As the Early Prophets Saw It
Part 2. June 2004 The Rise and Demise of Church Academies
Part 3. July 2004 The Role of Religion in the Founding Father's Thinking
(Skousen)
July 2004 Federal Interference in the Free Exercise of Religion
(continuation of Skousen Part 3)
Part 4 August 2004 Public Schools vs. the Fundamental Purposes of
Education
Part 5 August 2004 Can Parents Counterbalance the Negative Influences in Public Schools?
Part 6 September 2004 Back to School: Readers Open Talk about Public
Education and Tough Choices
Part 7 September 2004 Charter Schools
Part 8 October Creative Combining of Options: Could Dual Enrollment Be Your Solution?
Part 9 January 2005 Reform from the Bottom Up--Lynn Stoddard
Part 10 March 2005 Saints Seek Solutions to the Education Dilemma
(homeschoolers help start Kimber academies)
Part 11 April 2005 Mom Schools and Co-ops
Part 12 May 2005 To Homeschool or Not to Homeschool
Part 13 July 2005 The ABC's of Homeschooling
Part 13 The ABC's of Homeschooling
Part 14 Joyce Kinmont, Homeschooling Pioneer
Also: June 2005 The Religious Underpinnings of America's History
October 2004 My Son's Suicide--Seeking Gospel Perspectives
November 2004 Comfort in the Aftermath
November 2004 The Many Faces of Forgiveness--A Deeper Look at the Atonement
December 2004 What Faith Is and Isn't
December 2005 The Test in Testimony
January 2005 Keys to Overcoming Discouragement, Despondency, Depression
February 2005 Can Faith Be a Decision? (Solutions for Spiritual Slumps)
February 2005 Sunrise after Sorrow
March 2005 Voices that Dispel the Myth (Review of Voice from the Fire)
April 2005 Sunrise, Sunset (humorous look at how the years fly)
May 2005 Scriptural Survival Tactics for Mother's Day
May 2005 The Miracle of Recovery (Patricia)
June 2005 Dads: Give ‘Em a Break
July 2005 When We Pray Amiss
August 2005 A New Look at Enos and the Main Message of the Gospel
September 2005 Are We An Obedient People? Our Lives May Depend on It!
September 2005 Grief: A Universal Experience
October 2005 Spiritual Storm Warnings
October 2005 Give the Gift of Peace of Mind for Christmas
(encouraging giving food storage)
October 2005 Review of Rod W. Jeppsen's book "Lord I Believe"
November, 2005 The Challenge of Accepting Ourselves
November, 2005 Giving Thanks for Answered Prayers
December, 2005 Winter Solstice Reveals the Light Within
December, 2005 The Savior's Example
December, 2005 Pondering Covenants with Christ
January, 2006 Letting Go vs. Giving Up
January, 2006 Review of Rise and Shout! The Seniors are Out!
February 2006 Be Still My Soul
March, 2006 Gifts and Challenges of Chronic Illness
March, 2006 Interacting with the Chronically Ill
March, 2006 How Much Support Can the Chronically Ill Expect?
April, 2006 interview with Janice Kapp Perry and Joy Saunders Lundberg
(about their new CD "Do You Have a Little Love to Give?"
April 2006 Identity: Built on Rock or Sand?
April 2006 Easter's Promise and the Second Estate
April, 2006 Slowing Down to Do What Matters Most
May 2006 I Will Always Be My Mother's Child
May 2006 Youth of the Noble Birthright
June 2006 Faith in the Fatherhood of God
June 2006 Kathryn Adams, Modern-day Enos, Musician of Note
July 2006 Life is Not a Spectator Sport
July 2006 All is Well
July 2006 Seeking Recreation that Renews the Spirit
August 2006 Pondering Matter Unorganized (How to Organize family history papers and photos)
August 2006 Organizing Elements of a Picture History
Sept 2006 Many Right Ways to Write Your History
Sept 2006 Writing First What You Want to Last (includes George Durrant's comments on the importance of writing your life story.)
October 2006 Gifts of Tears and Scriptures
October 2006 Taking the Gospel of Jesus Christ Personally
November 2006 Grateful for the Love of Heavenly Families
December 2006 Slow Down and Appreciate Christmas
December 2006 Such as I Have, I Give
January 2007 A New Year Chance to De-clutter Our Lives
January 2007 Some Things Are Worth Saving
February 2007 The Lord is My Shepherd, I Shall Not Want (What I Can't have)
February 2007 Choosing Life in Spite of Loss
March 2007 What's Wrong With Being Right
March 2007 Root Causes of the Need to Be Right
April 2007 The Lord's Yoke
April 2007 Lord, How Is It Done?
May 2007 Only the Redeemer Does the Redeeming
May 2007 Celebrating the Continuation of Life
June 2007 Loving Life's Second Half
June 2007 "the Children Are Tender, Lead on Softly"
June 2007 "Lead on Softly" by Honoring Agency
July 2007 "Lead on Softly" by Correcting with Respect
August 2007 Inner City Missionaries Teach the World ( I had named it Inner City Sunday School)
August 2007 I Vote for Agency—Again! (Dualy family story)
August 2007 Jesus Wasn't Always Nice
Sept 2007 The Haunting Message of Hauns Mill
September 2007 How the Light of Christ Can Dispel the Darkness of Lies, Myths, and False Traditions
October 2007 Dispeling Myths with Gospel Light
November 2007 Spiritually Sighted (Randy Gibbs story)
Nov 2007 The Blessing of Patriarchal Blessings (review of Gayla Wise book)
December 2007 Fasting and Spiritual Feasting
December 2007 Apron Strings: A Reminder of Old-Fashioned Values that Never Go Out of Style (review of Vickey Taylor's book)
December 2007 Presence, Not Presents
February, 2008 The Spiritual Anatomy of Anger
February 2008 Mormon the Man Behind the Name
March 2008 Receiving Easter's Light
April 2008 Coming Home to Love
April 2008 Twenty-five Ways to Feel Better About Yourself (review of Steven A. Cramer's book "Reaching Higher"
May 2008 Is God Miserable Over His Children's Choices?
July 2008 The Bad Stuff is Always Temporary
August 2008 Are You Willing to Receive the Blessings of God?
Sept 2008 Overcoming the Nothingness of the Natural Man
Oct 2008 The Greater Yes
Nov 2008 Turn Off the Bad News of the Word
to the Good News of the Gospel
Nov 2008 Prayers of Thanks
Dec 2008 The Christmas Elf Activity
January 2009 Replace Resentment with Charity
January 2009 Spiritual Foundations of Happiness
February 2009 When Honesty is a Temptation, Not a Virtue
February 2009 How Well Do Your Know Your Spouse?
(About Marriage Enrichment Seminars)
March 2009 Purpose in Pain (the Patricia Potts story)
March 2009 That Ye May Have Hope
April 2009 Coming Home
May 2009 Snow on the Daffodils
May 2009 What a Cat and a Fox Taught me about Relationships
June 2009 Remembering Joy
June 2009 God Created Company So the House Would Get Clean: Musings on Motivation
July 2009 Warning: Why Both Over and Under-Reacting are Spiritually Dangerous
July 2009 Nature Up Close and Personal
August 2009 The Amazing Connection Between Thoughts and Feelings
August 2009 Blessed by Trusting God (Patty Larsen's Review of my book)
Sept 2009 Abigail: Old Testament's Life-Changing Symbol
Sept 2009 Resting Gets a Bad Rap in Our Culture
October 2009 Learning to Listen with Great Intensity
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What Does Autumn Have to Do with Repentance? Sep 24, 2009
by Darla Isackson (Posted on Meridian in 2002)
We drove the Alpine Loop last week. In the lower elevations shades of green still dominate. But after we took the 7-mile cutoff to Cascade Springs, we turned a corner and suddenly an entire landscape blazed breath-taking red.
I love autumn, and it has come to symbolize repentance to me. One long-ago fall I had two experiences that led me to write a poem called Autumn Awakening. First, I was sitting in silence by a picnic table up Millcreek Canyon watching golden leaves fall from quaking aspen. I had always assumed that the wind blew the leaves off the trees. That day there was not a sign of a breeze, yet one by one the leaves simply let go and fluttered to the ground. A few days later we had an early, heavy, wet snow that broke many leaf-filled branches in our valley. Subsequently I wrote:
My golden
maple groans, bowed down by sudden snow;
Caught unaware, boughs break, fall to the ground below.
My winter maple’s limbs, up-reaching, not bowed down,
Wear snow’s adversities as nobly as a crown.
Its price
of leaves was paid when colors were still bright,
For undeceived, the tree was warned by inner light.
While Autumn days seem warm, cold storms of trial draw near.
Prepared, the leafless tree stands free from wintry fear.
My
Autumn, Lord, is here; help me to rid my life
Of all excess and dross, frivolity and strife.
Then calmly, willingly, as limb and red leaf part
May I repent of sins, and cast them from my heart.
Dear
Lord, because I take thy Spirit as my guide,
I too will be prepared, be stripped of sin and pride.
After the furious storms of wintertime have passed,
When in Thy presence, Lord, I find spring warmth at last--
In strength, I’ll stand with Thee, adorned in newest green
Found valiant in the test; spring-fresh, at peace, serene.
Repentance and Godly Sorrow
I feel even more urgency in this new millennium to prepare, and I keep learning more about repentance. Just last year I received a real wake-up call, when I was reading in James B. Cox’s manual Becoming One with Christ. He explained the difference between worldly sorry and godly sorrow: worldly sorrow includes vain regrets, self-condemnation, and grief for the pain caused to self and others by sins and inadequacies. It accomplishes nothing except to keep us in the bondage of those mistakes. On the other hand, godly sorrow grieves for the pain caused to the Savior who already suffered for those sins; godly sorry leads immediately to a spiritual focus of gratitude for the atonement of Christ. Because Jesus already paid the price, our job is to accept that price. He wants us to “turn and live”--not grovel in self-flagellation and useless regret.
President Benson said, “Godly sorrow is a gift of the Spirit. It is a deep realization that our actions have offended our Father and our God. It is the sharp and keen awareness that our behavior caused the Savior, he who knew no sin, even the greatest of all, to endure agony and suffering. Our sins caused Him to bleed at every pore. This very real mental and spiritual anguish is what the scriptures refer to as having ‘a broken heart and a contrite spirit. Such a spirit is the absolute pre-requisite for true repentance.” (Ensign, Oct. 1989, p. 4)
Seeing the Fruits of True Repentance
I see in retrospect that most of the sorrow of my life has been worldly sorrow. I thought I was repenting, but was actually being deterred in my progress by the adversary. Too often I was hanging onto the past and not taking advantage of the blessings of the atonement--not receiving what was right there for the asking.
I’m finally receiving. Studying the manual He Did Deliver Me from Bondage and attending Recovery meetings (sponsored by the Church for those with compulsive addictive behaviors and their families) have helped me greatly in my quest.
In a Recovery meeting a couple of years ago I heard a humble young man, newly released from prison, tell this story: “In prison I began studying He Did Deliver Me from Bondage and attending Recovery meetings. I finally learned how to truly repent and turn to Christ. I experienced the Savior’s love for the first time.” He wept telling how he felt, and said, “In all my years growing up in the Church, I had never understood the truth of the atonement or the power of Christ’s love. How had I missed it? However, as I followed the Twelve-Step program, admitted my own powerlessness, turned my life over to God as best I could, and immersed myself in the Book of Mormon, amazing things began to happen. For so long I had believed I would never be happy again,” he confessed. “I had committed crimes serious enough to get me incarcerated in a federal prison and I was battling addictions I thought I would never conquer. I disgraced my family and hurt them in a hundred ways. I lost my job, my wife, my children, my membership in the Church. But I bear testimony that the Savior has forgiven me and I am clean and sober. The Atonement is real. I have been rebaptized and am at peace and happier than I’ve ever been.”
And I, who had been sitting there doubting I could ever be happy again because of my co-dependency and the choices of others, found new hope. Even though I thought I’d always understood and accepted the atonement, I forged a new determination to know for myself in a new way--in as deep and life-changing way as this brother knew it--that the atonement is real, that the Savior’s promises apply to me as much as to any other person on earth. I came to believe I could change, transcend the patterns that were making me miserable. I am keeping that commitment, but learn over and over that repentance is a process, not an event. We do not “arrive” and suddenly have no need of it while in mortality. President Benson said, “Becoming Christlike is a lifetime pursuit and very often involves growth and change that is slow, almost imperceptible. . . For every Paul, for every Enos, and for every King Lamoni, there are hundred and thousands of people who find the process of repentance much more subtle, much more imperceptible. Day by day they move closer to the Lord, little realizing they are building a godlike life . . . The Lord is pleased with every effort, even the tiny, daily ones in which we strive to be more like Him. Though we may see that we have far to go on the road to perfection, we must not give up hope.” (Ensign, Oct. 1989, p. 5)
When I become discouraged because I find myself in a low place again after I have felt great spiritual growth, I go back to the following quote from Colleen Harrison: “The mighty change of heart does not bring us to a state of perfection, but rather convinces us of our own powerlessness to be perfect, and turns us to know and trust Him who is perfect enough for us all. The word repentance means literally to ‘turn again.’ As that process of turning again to God and to the principles of truth and righteousness becomes more and more consistent and continuous, our lapses from it grow shorter and shorter. They go from being years, months, weeks, or even days in length to only hours, eventually minutes, and ultimately nothing more than the turn of a thought, which is discarded instantly.” (He Did Deliver Me from Bondage, Fifth Edition, p.83)
Leaning on Sacramental Promises
Unless we have been excommunicated as was the brother I quoted above, we do not need to be rebaptized as part of our repentance process. Partaking of the sacrament, when understood and applied with earnestness, acts as a weekly rebaptism. Whenever we repent, then take the sacrament, the Savior washes us clean of the mistakes we’ve made, and we can start anew.
The “Willing” Principle
The sacramental prayer on the bread includes the words: "are WILLING to take upon them the name of thy son and keep his commandments and always remember him that they may have his Spirit to be with them." (D&C 20:77, emphasis mine.)
I`ve learned that my willingness is the very key. It doesn`t mean I know I can keep the covenants perfectly, and certainly not that I am capable of keeping them by my own strength or power. It means what it says: that I am willing to, that I want to, and my very willingness places me in a position to get His Spirit to help me. The Lord literally covenants to help us keep his commandments--in the sacrament prayer as well as in other scriptures. Nephi reminds me that He does not give a commandment without preparing the way for us to accomplish it. (1Nephi 3:7)
Sublime Invitation
One Sunday I felt in my heart during the sacramental prayer, a deeper meaning than I had thought of before in the words: “witness unto thee, O God, the Eternal Father, that they are willing to take upon them the name of thy son” (D&C 20: 77 emphasis mine). I realized those words “take upon them the name of thy son” mean we are invited into the family of Christ and offered the extra protection and privileges that family members are given. When I think of the love I have for my children, and realize how imperfect that love is compared to Christ’s, I am overwhelmed at what that concept really entails. I am willing to extend and inconvenience myself for my children’s well-being to the uttermost limits of my abilities and strength, yet am constantly aware of my limitations. The Savior has no limitations of time or love or resources or wisdom. He not only knows what is best for us, but has the untiring ability to give it. Being a member of His family is surely one of the best blessings we could be promised.
Remember Him, Have His Spirit to Be with Us
I continue to be impressed each time I hear the sacramental prayers that to have His Spirit to be with us--the very thing we need to repent and keep our covenants--all we are asked to do is to remember Him.
I realized one day when I was feeling low that I hadn’t been remembering Jesus. I tried saying his name reverently, and thought of the song, “Jesus, Name of Wondrous Love.” Instantly, the light came flooding back into my heart, and the Spirit returned. I’ve learned that simply remembering Jesus really is a key for climbing out of darkness, getting the Spirit back, transcending low moods. Unless my body was so depleted or fatigued I couldn’t think, unless the chemicals in my brain were completely out of balance, or my spirit “past feeling,” simply focusing my mind on the Savior opens my personal conduit to the Spirit of the Lord. It’s the best therapy I’ve ever tried. When I read His words, think of His love, and remember Him, I do have his Spirit to be with me. I am lifted out of my natural man state. I can’t make this transition by myself; I need the mercy and grace of Christ.
Colleen Harrison said, “We have labored too long under the fallacy that in our sins we have cut the Lord off from us. The truth is, we have cut ourselves off from the Lord. He is always ‘with’ us, in the sense that He is always aware of us and awaits our genuine, heart-deep turning to Him. Even in our unrighteousness we can turn to Him and find mercy and grace. Mercy and grace are not forgiveness. Mercy and grace are gifts of power beyond our own, extended to us from God even while in our sinful or darkened state, thus enabling us to repent. Without these gifts we have no power to turn again, no matter how much we might want to. Our will must be joined to His power. Will-power: OUR will + HIS power.” (He Did Deliver Me from Bondage, Fifth Edition, p. 89)
So it is that I can daily claim the promise that if I remember Him, I will have His Spirit to be with me, and that Spirit will aid me in my repentance. No matter how righteous I may become in the future, this process is still essential.
Elder Bruce R. McConkie wrote: “It follows that the sins of the godfearing and righteous are continually remitted because they repent and seek the Lord anew every day and every hour.” (Doctrinal New Testament Commentary, Vol. III, p. 343)
The Autumn of My Repentance
This year, as the leaves blaze red and gold then willingly let go, I’m reminded of my commitment to let go, to repent daily. I don’t want to wait for latter-day winds of adversity to strip me of my sins. I want to prepare for wintry storms now, to let go willingly, as the leaves do. Here are some of the things I’m determined to let go of:
Letting go does not mean to stop caring--but it means I stop taking responsibility for people and things I can’t control. Letting go is not to deny, but to accept what is real and true. Letting go is to quit trying to adjust the world and everything in it to my desires, but to take each day as it come and cherish myself in it. Letting go is to turn the universe back over to God and trust him with it, and to turn my heart over to God and let him transform it.
I have lots of “leaves” to let go of, but autumn is a lovely time to renew my determination for the task!
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Remembering Joy Jun 12, 2009
I ran across my missionary journals the other day and felt drawn to them. How many times in the forty-some years since I served a full-time mission in Southern California had I intended to read them? I brought them upstairs; a few days later, I opened one and began to read. I couldn’t quit. Light seemed to flow from the pages. I had done a good job of recording the ups and downs of missionary life, but was surprised and delighted to discover that the primary, most repeated theme was JOY!
I Had Forgotten to Remember!
Over and over I had written words like “an experience I will never forget,” or “a never-to-be forgotten feeling of joy.” Yet, in fact I had forgotten. Without this written record I would never have thought of these experiences again—at least not in this life. Reading the descriptive words made the feelings of joy swell up once more in my heart. No wonder we are counseled to keep a journal!
I’m anxious to look at my carefully labeled mission slides now (yes, I did serve my mission in the good old days) because I’ve also forgotten most of the faces that go with the names recorded in my journal. Only a few popped up bright in my memory when the written word brought them to mind again.
Reminiscing About Joy
At the time I was called on a mission there was no MTC. Missionaries checked in for a week’s training at the Mission Home at 119 No. State Street, a renovated Salt Lake hotel. (The new Church History building will now fill this spot.) My first mention of joy was on day 4 of my stay, August 13, 1964; I wrote:
“What words can half express that feeling known as joy? It is a swelling within, a peace, a contentment and an assurance of harmony with divine decree—but it is so much more than that. Many General Authorities touched my heart this day—messages struck home, brought tears to my eyes and renewed my determination to overcome obstacles and be what the Lord wants me to be. Today we saw and heard (not only with our ears, but with heart as well) Paul H. Dunn, Marion D. Hanks (dynamic!) Elder Critchelow, John Longden, Alvin R. Dyer, Bishop Victor L. Brown. All of them had things in common—fervent testimonies, strong desires to communicate a message, spiritual strength born of character and struggle and seeking after the Lord. I believe that one thing that makes General Authorities so impressive is that their love for people, their desire to share a conviction, to help, to counsel, to be the Lord’s instruments is so great that fear of man is unknown to them and there is a complete self-forgetfulness in their presentations. Ironically, they at the same time communicate more of themselves than they would dream—but it is their strength, their courage, their conviction that shines through.”
My first area of labor included both Ojai and Ventura, Califronia. On August 27,1964, I wrote of giving the first discussion the first time: “I gave the whole lesson and the Lord answered my prayers and helped me. This couple is choice and I saw the light of understanding creep into their eyes. I love them for their sincerity. I knew joy tonight and have a heart full of gratitude.”
On September 22, 1964, after a full day of productive missionary work, I wrote, “As I walked down the lane back to Smith’s, I enjoyed the avocado trees, a full moon, stars, and peace. I felt a deep joy just being alive. I’m slowly coming out on top—and it’s wonderful to be alive and be more aware each day of my own existence. What a blessed thing it is to have the gospel of Jesus Christ and to understand what life is all about. This is truly joy—the kind of joy that the world knows little of. Who could place a price tag on the value of divine knowledge? How precious is truth. . . how great to understand a little of the personality of God and His wondrous plan for man. How blessed I am indeed.”
A Humorous Kind of Joy
One day I wrote of the joy of not getting arrested! (This is another example of an experience I had totally forgotten about.) One week we had been meeting the Elders in the same place each day—sometimes twice a day. I didn’t mention why, but this was a productive area and I think the main reason was to take them to interview investigators for baptism. I wrote: “On Friday, just as we were leaving, a police car, motorcycle cop, and 2 plainclothes detectives swarmed all over and detained us for questioning. They asked for ID, asked what we were doing there every day, etc. Our meeting place was across the street from Reliance Dairy, whose employees were getting nervous thinking we were getting the layout for a robbery, or were meeting to peddle dope or something. It was really hilarious when they found out we were missionaries. We all got a good chuckle out of it.”
Sharing the Joy of Converts
Later in my mission I often wrote of the joy of helping families progress in the gospel, entries such as this one, written on Sunday May 9, 1965: “The day wasn’t long enough for all the joy to fit in. Recently baptized, Brother Bigelow was ordained a deacon, gave a talk and passed the sacrament in Sacrament Meeting. He said, “Sister Larsen, I hope you’re still here the 1st of the month. I’m going to bear my testimony.” Oh, the marvelous change in that man’s life. He just radiates all over with the spirit of the gospel. Monday, May 10, 1965: his wife, Sally commented “I really don’t know what we would have done if you hadn’t come into our lives! Tony is so different and we’re so much happier, and I can hardly believe it’s all there, there is so much change.” My heart was really full. Here is the joy of being a missionary.”
Compiling a Joy Journal
I’ve wondered if I shouldn’t start compiling a journal of joy. I’ve been a fair journal keeper most of my life, but the joyful moments are lost in a muddle of words and plethora of daunting pages that could keep me from rediscovering them. Most of the joyful moments are also spiritual moments, so by compiling a journal of joy I would also create a life story of the times I least want to forget.
I haven’t found it yet in my journal, but I do have a clear memory of a sweet spiritual experience: I was part of group of missionaries meeting with the mission president, who was dearly loved. At the close of the meeting we stood and sang “I Know That My Redeemer Lives.” The Spirit was so strong in that room and my heart vibrated to the truthfulness of those words as tears ran down my cheeks. I did, indeed “know that my Redeemer Lives because the Spirit was bearing witness to that truth in an unmistakable way.
I knew it then. I know it now. God doesn’t change his mind about spiritual truths. A witness to my heart in another time and place stands today and I can bank on it and lean on it and depend on it even though I may not be feeling it at this moment. If I pulled all such experiences of a lifetime together, imagine what it could mean in my later years reading back and reliving wonderful Spirit-filled experiences. And while my family wouldn’t be likely to plow through volume after volume of my journals, perhaps they would read this one record!
The Importance of Recording Spiritual Experiences
The ultimate journal keeper and historian, Wilford Woodruff, said, “It may be considered by some not important to write or keep a record of our work or the work of God, but I believe it is. Otherwise the prophets would not have been moved upon to exhort us to faithfulness upon this subject. The Lord has told us that what we seal on earth shall be sealed in heaven and what we record on earth shall be recorded in heaven, and what is not sealed or recorded on earth is not sealed or recorded in heaven [see D&C 128:7–8]. Therefore it appears to be very important that we do keep a true and faithful record in all things.”1
He continues, “Some may say [journal keeping] is a great deal of trouble. But we should not call anything trouble which brings to pass good. I consider that portion of my life which has been spent in keeping journals and writing history to have been very profitably spent.”2
Any time I have taken time to go back and read from my journals I have been blessed. When I lose sight of my identity, my journals are the best place I’ve found to regain it. Wilford Woodford said, “If there was no other motive in view [except] to have the privilege of reading over our journals and for our children to read, it would pay for the time spent in writing it.” 3
He concludes: “Should we not have respect enough to God to make a record of those blessings which He pours out upon us and our official acts which we do in His name upon the face of the earth? I think we should.”4
Such writings are like personal scripture. Just as the Book of Mormon people were counseled to record such things, so are we.
Journaling to Recognize God’s Hand in Our Lives
A young New Zealand Saint, Anthony Ngawaka, just 16, summarized this purpose of writing in a journal which Wilford Woodford so pointedly suggested: “The main reason for keeping a journal is to write down God’s dealings with you.”5
President Eyring explained in a most exquisite way both the process and the results of such a practice: “Before I would write, I would ponder this question: “Have I seen the hand of God reaching out to touch us or our children or our family today?” As I kept at it, something began to happen. As I would cast my mind over the day, I would see evidence of what God had done for one of us that I had not recognized in the busy moments of the day. As that happened, and it happened often, I realized that trying to remember had allowed God to show me what He had done.
More than gratitude began to grow in my heart. Testimony grew. I became ever more certain that our Heavenly Father hears and answers prayers. I felt more gratitude for the softening and refining that come because of the Atonement of the Savior Jesus Christ. And I grew more confident that the Holy Ghost can bring all things to our remembrance—even things we did not notice or pay attention to when they happened.”6
Record and Remember!
I never feel like an experience is really finished until I write it down—and what more important experiences to record than those that bring me joy!
Reading excerpts from my missionary journal—which was written before most people now on the earth were even born--has given me great motivation to not only compile but to keep recording joyous experiences for the rest of my life. God’s dealings with men always bring joy. Recognizing His interest in us brings joy, seeing the tender mercies of the Lord pop up in the smallest details of our lives brings joy.
Here’s my conclusion: In order to remember joy tomorrow, record it in a journal today!
1 Journal of Wilford Woodruff, March 17, 1857.
2 Journal of Wilford Woodruff, February 12, 1862.
3 Journal of Wilford Woodruff, September 6, 1856.
4 Feb. 12, 1862
5 New Era, September 2003
6 Henry D. Eyring, “O Remember, Remember,” Ensign, November 2007
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